Following post is contributed by our member teachers Raven & Erin
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Cultivating Polarity Through Strenght and Surrender
In last week’s blog, “The Secrets to Romantic Chemistry” I shared how one of the major challenges in relationship is that there is not enough sexual polarity. Where there is a couple that has one partner in their feminine essence and one partner in their masculine essence there will be strong polarity. If you haven’t read that post yet, I recommend you do before reading the rest of this one.
The feminine partner needs to feel loved and adored in order to relax into her femininity, and the masculine partner needs to feel supported and appreciated to strengthen his backbone and sense of direction. What often happens though is that women feel neglected rather than cherished and men feel controlled rather than appreciated. A woman typically becomes nagging in this example and a man becomes withdrawn. Or, in other cases they become friends with no romantic sizzle. Most couples spend years this way and just get used to the loss of passion. However, attraction can shift remarkably by cultivating polarity. A couple can go from friendship and boredom to sexual aliveness and rapture. A woman can go from feeling neglected and unloved to alive and radiant once her partner makes her feel beautiful and adored. And a man can go from feeling contracted and controlled to worshipped and trusted once he feels loved and respected.
There are many things you can try, in order to create polarity and romantic chemistry. Here is a simple practice to get you started:
Put some time aside to create a beautiful space for you and your partner to explore together.
Start by sitting opposite each other.
Feminine essence partner:
Close your eyes and drop into your feminine essence – focus on your heart, womb and yoni. Notice and contemplate everything that is beautiful and attractive about you. Let your partner feel your sensuality and your desire to be adored, cherished, safe and protected. Open your heart to receiving love and adoration. Also pour love into him and with trusting eyes that can depend on his strength and ability to act. It is safe to not do everything on your own. It is safe to allow your amour to drop away and feel your emotions. It is safe to be your authentic self. You are loved. Relax, let go and surrender to him. Feel your man opposite you, present and showing up as you open your eyes. Lean back a little and take on a receptive and open posture. Tell him all the ways you love that he brings direction, clarity, protection and strength to your life. Be as specific as possible and let your words flow from your heart and sensuality.
Masculine essence partner:
As you witness the feminine before you, embrace and see her fully with your strength and presence – all of her. Lean forward a little and penetrate her with your awareness and your posture communicating non-verbally “I’ve got this”. Bring all your attention to her and hold her in an energetic embrace of solidarity. Feel connected to the ground and bring your awareness to every aspect of her body and her emotions. Drop into stillness and grounded-ness. Your presence is what allows her to feel safe and helps her to surrender to your touch and to the pleasure you offer. She needs your presence to fully offer you her pleasure. She also needs your words of praise. Tell her what you find sexy about her. Let her know how attracted to her you are. If you want to make it more meaningful, be as specific as possible. Think about and express what sets her apart physically from everyone else. Let your words come from a place of certainty and centeredness. Help her to feel seen as a sexual woman.
From here you can move into transfiguration (eye-gazing), focusing on the respective feminine and masculine qualities in each other as you look into each other’s eyes.
Notice the impact of each of you going deeper into your masculine or feminine has on your partner. Perhaps the feminine may want to dance or move her body. The masculine may want to explore holding safety and stillness, . You can also play with ideas of the ravisher and the ravishee. Experiment and have fun with it. Rope play is also a great way to explore these polar energies.
At the end of the exploration, enter into a space of facing one another and sharing your experience.
Feminine: describe to him how you experienced his masculine energy.
Masculine: describe to her how you experienced her feminine energy.
Close with eye gazing and words of gratitude.
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We explore polarity a lot at the Living Tantra Retreat. Whether you’re in a couple or not, you can explore embracing your masculine and embracing your feminine so you can take that out into your outer relationships and magnetise the opposite of that towards you.