True Tantra Love Starts with SELF

When You Make Love, Do You Make Love to YourSELF

Following post is contributed by our member teaher Amanda Biccum

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Just like all love, true Tantric love starts with SELF. Do you love yourself? I mean really, do you love even the deepest and darkest layers of your soul? It’s easy to love the good things, the things you work hard at, and the things that bring light into your world. That’s easy to love. It’s the layers of shadows, the parts of self that we hide that desperately need to be loved too. That’s right; I’m talking about all of you. True love of any form starts with self, and Tantra is no different.

So you wanna practice Tantra, eh?

I love the topic of sex. It’s a topic that always turns heads and captivates the audience no matter who is in the room. Sex?! Who’s talking about sex, heads turn, ears perk up, and sleepy eyes begin to open. I hate to bust, your bubble, but Tantra is not sex. It’s far beyond. And as exciting as it is to think about practicing it with another, how can one play with another, when they’re not quite sure how to play with oneself? (Pun intended)

“Masturbation you mean?! Oh no girl, I got that one DOWN!”

If only things were that simple… You see masturbation in the way that the majority of us pleasure today is purely a physical pleasure. When we choose to self-pleasure, we typically have one goal in mind, and that goal is to reach orgasm. I mean, what’s the point in building up all that excitement without the mind-blowing, body shaking release right?

Not so fast, mister – let’s take it back a notch.

In today’s world, most of us live in and are driven by the world of the mind. It’s often logical, goal driven and sequential. With sex, for instance, it typically works like this: One partner see’s another, attraction arises, and connection happens. If sparks fly, sooner or later it’s off to the bedroom; one thing leads to another, clothes are flying, juices are flowing, orgasms happen (hopefully) and then before you know it, it’s over. Both parties lay exhausted, needing to rest and relax, either for good or to recoup for round two (if it was really good!) If sex is orgasmic, then it is considered good. If both parties “came” it goes down in the books as a win. Now I’m not saying all orgasms are equal, there is a lot more that makes great sex than just the orgasm, but you get my point. Sex today is goal oriented. We have a beginning (foreplay), middle (climax) and end (exhaustion).

Tantric sex is not about the orgasm. Tantric sex IS orgasmic.

It’s true. Tantric sex really has no beginning, middle or end. It’s really about just riding this one big wave of ever-flowing orgasmic energy right from beginning all the way until the swell slows down and _______. And as the title of this article suggests, ‘True Tantra Starts with SELF,’ so if we want to begin to practice, how do we start to play? My last article, ‘Tantra, SEX Like You Mean It,” I received loads of comments and messages from people waiting to get the ‘user’s manual’ and do the damn thing. Hate to make you hold your horses Charlie— true Tantra doesn’t happen so fast. Ever heard the quote, “Life’s about the journey, not the destination?” This is Tantra in practice. So, what does that mean when it comes to practicing Tantra with SELF? It means it’s time to slow down. It’s time to begin to make love, to yourself. No speeding through the process just to get to the end. No, I mean take your time, love yourself, every inch of your body, touch yourself, and make love just like you would to a lover. Touch every inch of your beautiful body with intent. With gratitude, with love and with grace. Sounds cheesy? It’s not. If you’re not going to make love to yourself, I mean truly take the time and make LOVE to yourself, why would anyone else?

Let’s play!

I invite you to think about what it means to make love to another. All the things that go into it. Not, just the physical act, but everything. The personal grooming, the compliments, the caressing, the foreplay the pleasure.

Build on that.

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Ask yourself: “How can I make love to myself today?” From the inside out. How can I feed myself words and actions of love from the very beginning to the end? Maybe you even make a whole day out of it. Starting with your morning wake up, taking your time, laying with yourSELF in bed, holding onto the feeling of how it feels to be in your beautiful body snuggled up in the warm sheets. Give yourself compliments, tell yourself how beautiful you are and how lucky you are to get to spend the day with you. Maybe when you go to the shower, instead of rushing through to get to the next thing on your to-do list, you actually take your time, slow down and cherish your body. Softly caress and lather your body with soap the way you would if you were in the shower with a lover. From there perhaps, you treat yourself to a nice dinner or a movie, a hike or whatever it is you would want someone else to do for you on a date. You can play this up as much as you want to all the way down to the very end, yes right up until you pleasure yourself physically. And when you do, take your time. Make it last and move slowly. Get to know your body, play around, experiment, touch area’s you’re not used too, be sensual, and be soft. See if you can begin to ride the waves of your own ecstatic bliss. See how long you can make it last. True Tantra is about the experience, maybe you come, maybe you don’t, either way that’s not the point.

True love starts with SELF. How can you choose to make love to yourself more and more each day?

Amanda Biccum